


My Last Words Are To You

by NoirAngel011



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Child Neglect, Depression, F/M, References to Depression, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-28
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-29 23:02:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15083636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoirAngel011/pseuds/NoirAngel011
Summary: Monika has been depressed her entire life. Her parents act like she doesn't exist, leaving her to fend for herself. She deals with the urge to commit suicide, day after day, cut after cut.When the player shows up, Monika begins to feel hope once again. Maybe with the right steps she can be happy and loved again.Though, things don't always go according to plans, at least not for Monika anyway.Written as Monika writing letters to the reader at the end of every day.





	1. My Name Is Monika

**Author's Note:**

> THIS STORY DEALS WITH DEPRESSION, SELF HARM, AND SUICIDE, IF YOU ARE EASILY TRIGGERED, PLEASE DO NOT READ!!!  
> THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO GO BACK!

Hi!

It's Monika here.

To everyone in my town, I'm a normal teenage girl. But on the inside, I'm not so normal.

When I was younger, my parents always acted like I didn't exist. They just left me to fend for my own life, against myself.

Soon after my eleventh birthday I fell into depression when my mom died. Even though she neglected me, I still loved her.

Ever since, my dad has been even worse, now he starts to hit me sometimes.

But he is nothing compared to what I deal with on the inside.

I started cutting my wrists in the ninth grade. While my depression had only increased over the years.

I was almost fifteen when I first tried to commit suicide.

I had hung a rope and ended up not attaching it sturdy enough to the ceiling, because it fell down after a few moments.

The cuts increased, getting deeper and longer, hurting less and less.

But I needed to be strong, on the outside at least.

For as long as I can remember, I always thought that if I did really well in school, my parents would say I at least did something right.

That never happened.

But I kept going as a straight A student.

I was on the track team.

The leader of the debate team.

The president on the student council.

And now, the founder of the Literature Club.

We have four members,

Sayori, a cinnamon roll if sunshine, she can make anyone smile. Also the vice president of our new club.

Natsuki, sure she's pretty blunt, but can be very intersesing to talk to (even though her fists are always in somebody's face half the time). She also an excellent baker.

Yuri, she a quiet bookworm, but does like to share her thoughts with others at times.

And of course me, but you already know all about me.

O have to keep up the act that I'm the popular girl that can do it all, but sometimes, its hard.

I think about suicide almost evey day.

Its something that nags me in the back of my mind.

Its like its always there.

Because it is.

There hasn't been hope in a long time.

Maybe you can help me?

It would mean the difference between life and death for you to come to the literature club.

It really is the only thing that has the potential to make me happy.

I bet you know Sayori.

Maybe you could come with her tommorow?

I would really appreciate it. I really would.

Pretty please?

This might be goodbye,

-Monika. <3


	2. This Is The Literature Club

You came!

You actually came today!

I'm so happy!

My day was made so much brighter meeting you!

I think i might have fallen in love with you...

I didn't cut at all today!

Arent't you so proud!

I wanted to show you a poem i wrote just for you.

I'm Happy With You

 

When I'm with you, I smile.

When i'm with you, I don't cut for a while.

When I'm with you, I feel lighter.

When i'm with you, I want to be held tighter.

 

When I'm with you, my cares float away.

When I'm with you, I don't wish my life away.

When i'm with you, I have a purpose.

I'm happy in the end with you.

 

Cheesy? I know.

I does express my feeling for you though.

You do truly make me happy.

I never want it to end.

I kinda want you all to myself.

but I could never hurt my friends.

At least, not by myself.

Or not without a very strong motive and an escape.

When we ended the club today, I felt really sad. like I just wanted to be with you longer.

For a pleasant and happy tomorrow,

-Monika.


	3. I Think I Really Like You,

You're poem was....

Nice?

It strikes me as something Sayori or Natsuki would write.

It was definitely artistic, I think.

But, something happened.

Its like, when I'm around you, I feel more and more depressed.

But I love you?

What is this feeling?

I keep cutting deeper.

More and more.

I'm glad we have long sleeved uniforms.

The cuts drip blood.

They don't stop.

I want out of this orison but I love it.

The cuts still go deeper.

Once, I think I hit bone.

It hurts, but its my only escape from this awful reality.

Besides suicide, of course.

I tried that, it failed.

I could always stab myself.

I would probably survive and live a life full of pain.

I guess not everyone can be as happy as Sayori or Natsuki or even Yuri.

Or you, I guess.

With lots of more cuts in the coming days,

-Monika.


	4. I'm Falling Deeper Into This Hole Of Depression,

**The scars keep cutting deeper.**

_**Every single day.** _

_**The blood seeps from my arms.** _

_**It falls like rain to the carpet.** _

_**This is my only escape.** _

_**The blood will run out soon.** _

_**I know what you want.** _

_**You never cared about me.** _

**_You never wanted me._ **

**_You never cared._ **

**_You just want to rape me._ **

**_You son of a bitch._ **

****I've realized what you want.

I don't like it.

Not one bit!!

You just want to use me.

All of us.

I thought you wanted to help me.

To make me better.

But you just pushed me farther down the hole.

You never cared about anyone.

Not even Sayori.

And think about her now.

Hanging from her bedroom ceiling.

Eyes dull and glazed over.

Dead.

I'm glad at least she was successful.

The pain you are causing everyone around you.

Its sickening.

I hate you.

I thought I loved you.

And I thought you loved me back.

You only wanted my body.

You sick, lying, bastard.

With hopes for your death tommorow,

-Monika.

 


	5. Not Everyone Can Be Happy.

_She knew exactly what she had to do next,_

_To stand on the chair and tie the rope around her neck._

_She stands on the chair and looks out at the Mon,_

_Just to think, it'll all be over son._

_The chair fell down as she took her final breath._

_Its all over, all gone, now she's greeting death._

 

Have you ever heard that song?

Its called Her Last Words.

Hmmm.

I guess these are my last words too.

Tonight will be the end.

I'll be happier if you forget me.

I know you will anyway.

You should forget about these letters,

Forget about me.

Push me out of your memory.

No one needs to know of the terror that I am.

The pain I caused.

The lives I ended.

I'll tell you a secret.

I pushed Sayori into depression.

I told Yuri to start self harming.

I wanted them to be more like me.

Now I know that was a mistake.

Sayori is gone.

Yuri is gone.

Natsuki ran away.

And now I will follow suit.

I have my knife in hand as I write this.

I think sliting my throat the stabbing myself in the heart is a good way to go out.

Just know,

I did love you.

Even if you didn't live me back.

I wanted you tobbe able to hug me.

And make me feel better.

I wanted you to be my escape.

Instead of the knife.

Goodbye world,

-Monika. <3


End file.
